if love is a game, these are the rules

chapter 6...negotiation.

"if you or your partner do not feel safe to disagree with the other, then opposing desires or needs may be suppressed, only to resurface later as resentments"...uh i totally did that.

it took to much effort to communicate (see prior post on communication) and when i did disagree it was a painful process so i would just typically just leave it alone. you can only let things slide so many times though until it breaks through...horiffically breaks though.

"it's ok to disagree. it is also permissible to argue at times. if you are fighting to resolve rather than fighting to win, then arguments can be a healthy way of releasing the emotions surrounding the disagreement. what is unacceptable is hurting the one you love just to be right"

oh that last line is a doozy. it feels so good to be right yeah? well for a few seconds. and then you see what your victory has won; someone you love is now defeated and probably sad. you cared more about the victory than them. ugh. which leads into creating win-win situations never win-lose.

chapters 7 & 8 deal with change and nurturing your relationship.

so there's dating, marriage, honeymoon phase and then life hits. suddenly it irritates you to no end that your significant other can leave an empty mcdonalds cup sitting on the coffee table for 3 days without being inspired to throw it away...yes the honeymoon is over.

chapter 8 takes about refocusing on the reasons you feel in love with the person. moving negative thoughts to positive thoughts. i thought this was cute:

an elderly friend [said] to pause in those moments that you feel especially loving toward your significant other and to make a list of qualities you appreciate about them. that way, whenever they annoy, anger, or frustrate you, there is a list to refer to to keep yourself aligned with your true feelings.

a little self manipulative but very necessary to maintain that relationship.

reciprocity. everyone keeps a mental tally either consciously or unconsciously. just make sure that if it is out of balance it is addressed. a friend of mine said that if you are each taking care of each other then both of you are taken care of.

and be kind. "kindness is simply the act of opening your heart and being genuinely good to someone else"

p.s.

if love is a game, these are the rules - posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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