these days - nico

love you monday!!

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ma soeur valery

happy birthday my sister!!!!

the photo above was found at my great grandma and grandpa colton's house after my great grandpa moved out. left to right...me, lorin and birthday girl valery...circa a long time ago.

i think my heavenly father knew that i would need an older sister who'd be an example to me on how to live compassionately, beautifully, artistically, spiritually, lovingly, happily, ... the list goes on.

i love you my sister so so much and can't wait to spend beaucoup de temps avec you this summer!

if love is a game, these are the rules

last post on this book! cheers :)

chapter 9 - renewal is the key to longevity. there is a small section in this chapter on repairing broken trust:

"if it was you who betrayed your partner's trust, it will also be you who will bear the burden of earning back that trust. your partner will need to work toward forgiveness, but you will be the one whose actions determine whether your relationship is regenerated or destroyed"

yikes, so i guess the first thing to do here is to not betray someone's trust.

if it does happen the book also states that, "there is no damage that cannot be repaired if both partners are willing...to reopen their hearts to each other"

i just don't want to be the one asking someone to reopen their heart and try to trust me again. so again don't betray someone's trust.

moving on to a different way to a long successful relationship is to celebrate.

the book states first off that a wedding ceremony, aside from the obvious purposes, creates a marker in your relationship. that day is when you chose to unite. each subsequent anniversary should take you back to think on your reasons for getting married and to celebrate!

celebrate the small things...inside jokes, small rituals, the small things in your life and with your relationship.

chapter 10 - you will forget all this the moment you fall in love (oh great)

"you will need to keep some semblance of rational behavior to protect yourself from any potential, damage, be it physical or emotional. you alone are responsible for your own heart and boy, and you will need your head at times to guide you to ensure your overall best interest"

the statement is a little bit sobering but there's truth to it, "love lures us out of reality and into the realm of fantasy. it acts like a drug creating an altered state of consciousness"

as you do enter a relationship please make sure that you don't lose yourself in 'we'.

"within the context of a 'we' reality, requires you to remember what it is that makes you uniquely you"

so my verdict for if love is a game, these are the rules definitely something that should be read if you have issues getting into or maintaining a relationship.

the book helped me to think on what kind of significant other i'm looking for and personal issues/habits/etc that hurt me in relationships...example: i'm timid about confrontation (communication problems), low self esteem (the book really buys in on love yourself and others will love you), i need to learn how to say what i want (flexing the 'want' muscle :)

next relationship self help book? five love languages

p.s.

if love is a game, these are the rules - posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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if love is a game, these are the rules

chapter 6...negotiation.

"if you or your partner do not feel safe to disagree with the other, then opposing desires or needs may be suppressed, only to resurface later as resentments"...uh i totally did that.

it took to much effort to communicate (see prior post on communication) and when i did disagree it was a painful process so i would just typically just leave it alone. you can only let things slide so many times though until it breaks through...horiffically breaks though.

"it's ok to disagree. it is also permissible to argue at times. if you are fighting to resolve rather than fighting to win, then arguments can be a healthy way of releasing the emotions surrounding the disagreement. what is unacceptable is hurting the one you love just to be right"

oh that last line is a doozy. it feels so good to be right yeah? well for a few seconds. and then you see what your victory has won; someone you love is now defeated and probably sad. you cared more about the victory than them. ugh. which leads into creating win-win situations never win-lose.

chapters 7 & 8 deal with change and nurturing your relationship.

so there's dating, marriage, honeymoon phase and then life hits. suddenly it irritates you to no end that your significant other can leave an empty mcdonalds cup sitting on the coffee table for 3 days without being inspired to throw it away...yes the honeymoon is over.

chapter 8 takes about refocusing on the reasons you feel in love with the person. moving negative thoughts to positive thoughts. i thought this was cute:

an elderly friend [said] to pause in those moments that you feel especially loving toward your significant other and to make a list of qualities you appreciate about them. that way, whenever they annoy, anger, or frustrate you, there is a list to refer to to keep yourself aligned with your true feelings.

a little self manipulative but very necessary to maintain that relationship.

reciprocity. everyone keeps a mental tally either consciously or unconsciously. just make sure that if it is out of balance it is addressed. a friend of mine said that if you are each taking care of each other then both of you are taken care of.

and be kind. "kindness is simply the act of opening your heart and being genuinely good to someone else"

p.s.

if love is a game, these are the rules - posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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